present

assalamualaikum wbt.




here it goes again, its been a long while i have abandoned my writings about my progress of my life here. i'm satisfied with it by the way.. for now, i'm doing my data collection for my study. AlhamduLillah.. everything goes well, still in my research planning though. i've completed my site plot in Hutan Simpan Lentang with help from Jabatan Hutan pahang.. i admit its quite tired doing this while as i need to manage my time visit and also strengh to make it through. after this, i really hope that i'll make it right. a lot of lesson i gained from the previous students that may take this path for granted.. hmm i wish i wouldn't. =(







as usual, i chose this path easily wouldn't make it easy for me to bring myself able to run it without any circunstances and obstacles.. i do faced something that makes me weak sometimes. sometimes i do lost my focus, sometimes i do confused with what's happening around. sometimes i'm too tired to faced everything around me.. its all the same, but i guess i'm very good in deny.. nobody knows exactly how i feels. and i knew nobody knows it ever but Allah. everyone has their own story, remember.

dont let it.. drop

assalamualaikum.

hm. what now? let say anything around us would seems never been how we ever expected in positive ways. puzzled? hm. me too. or maybe we called it as problems of make things right.. yeah. that's it. well, i just want to share some of my problem of commitments here. and some time management we faced all the time.. i always try to make myself well-disciplined on my time.. some positive i get, but some negative i'd say will just come out of the gloom of some day..

sometimes i do like commitments around me. i can learn.. i can forced myself to do tremendous things and filled myself with wonders respectively.. but then i never make things right on time. time management? maybe... to0 much of unexpected things happened.. too much of thinking.. and maybe to0 much junks around me i should faced with no options for some moment.

Alhamdulillah. for now my biological cock constructed well.. just a lil bit of meal routine and hard work of workout to have myself stay healthy with mentally and physically fit for my daily life. i'm happy with that as well.

frankly, i would not blame my surprisingly sickness for some things i cant put my effort onto. i take those for my hidayah and strength for me to praised Allah for anything i faced today.. as human, i do forgot where i stand for some reason.. to be what we want is not easy as how it seems.. but its hard as how we had through.. somehow obstacles and problems are there with us to make it worth. right?

for commitment issues, in deals.. risk would me our first inner challenge, after our ability and survival. i do, stressed with my commitments. deals around me are so deep me down with hopes. i tried to make things on but somehow i do have weakness on my ability.. and my habits too. dear friend. please dont delayed your commitments. its like you fight for risk than to have least of spin-head twirl at the end. easy to say. everybody can do that! oh it is hard to control within than to control others~ please make myself as a robot (*hopeless)

with some thoughts and views within January and early February 2010.. i realized that i felt empty. i guess as if i'm an aquarium with goldfishes, its time for me to cleaned up my algae(s) and dirt, then filled myself with new filter and clean water for my goldfishes healthiness.. somehow it grows in me. 0.o (*methaphore huh) yeah..  

i must faced my fate for how i should.. to live for hope doesn't worth me. i want to grow old with honor.. i want to have a great whaler in which i can through the sea of tomorrow till my last ambitious. InsyaAllah!

erm.. TODAY again =)

assalamualaikum!

well, you know.. i always love quote of "Today is not EQUAL to the Future". hahha. why? erm seems like its been a half year i didnt post in this blog,, things happened around me today isnt like what i expected before.. hahha.. now i further my study doing Master of science.. on Forest Rehabilitation la.. grateful? yeah. though i always dreamed of working life after my bachelor degree graduation, okey.. hmm =)

..but somehow, i'd make it through this path.. so i should move on. actually before i graduated till the big day and a day or two after that, i've been think of this critically, and try to adjust my future precisely. i applied jobs that related to my studies.. and at the same time i applied my current path (for precaution of being a hopeless grappers) hehhe =P~ senior peoples around me suggests me with tremendous options.. huhhu for a god sake i just dont like getting puzzled. shitly, this matter does count cuz its serious! huhhu at that time somehow i do forget that i'm 22 years old. *duhh.. hehhe so i decided to choose working as my priority with my further studies.. hmmm =) like i said, i do applied jobs related to my studies.. and thats it. i dont seek for desperate jobs in which obviously dont suit my studies like.. temporary replaced teacher, policeman (*duh), or even army! (suggested by kak miza). i might say i'm quite choosy.. but then i love my study, man.. i really appreciate forestry so damn much after i experiencing lots of hideous thoughts and facts of our nature responsibilities.. i would not let myself ruined my gifts in which i discover why should its my fate to take this course at the first place? huhhu i've crashed my very own ambition of being a pilot u know. hahha yet i know la my limitation of my brain right? hahah shut up! hmmmm.. so at the time-being, i tried to filled my grapper-like life with future concerns.. plus other things. hehe. erm, i approached Dr. Azani for temporary job of Research Assistant for a shot =). well, its a big hope for that as i craved for experiences with those cuz i know where i stand, i'd still like an empty bottle though i'd completed my degree course okey.. all right to make it short, yeah.. he's positive. hmm...

during my experiences absorptions.. i actually assist Khairol with his project. hehhe so i dealt with those species identification head fever in which i had with leaves samples collected in Tenggaroh (i talked so much bout this in previous posts).. i dont really care much on salary at that time, so i can cope with lagging claims through 3 months i've been as an RA.. okey okey.. deep in my heart, i do care.. huhhu.. well, thanks Allah for His praised and strength sets for me all this while.. hm. then, i thought bout my future seriously on one day.. i mean, really damn serious hell, i decided to further. hmm. my mind always set that.. currently, post for our study is not available.. thus, its an advance for me to have a Master in 2 or 3 years time may strengthened my confidence and maturity in things in which are serious of course..  hehhe yep. maybe during my study i need to get extra bucks to survive independently.. yeah. leave that aside, the important thing now is.. struggle on Master completions! erm.. for this semester i might busy with proposal.. and a lil bit of deg. class demo.. quite easy with it for now.. its just that my proposal still haunted my head as i need to present it during April with the committee members.  aiyaaaa.. even the community members i havent decide. huhhu..

hmmmmmm... well, i guess i starts to have a new phase of life now,, and i would call my blogg as my journal to make it sounds more scientific. hahhah dont blame me.. =P~

till then,, *hugs

finally

assalamualaikum..

hmm =) well, i know its more than a month since my last post.. hihhi means i'm supa dupa busy for those while lorrr... hmm.. okie like lots of things has missed that i wish to share it here though.. now let me recall..



as after my last post i'm busy with my thesis publication.. and it completely published on last 18th May 2009~ hehhe kinda funny when my collegues take for a long time to get the supervisor's and dean's approval due to errors here and there.. and what i heard they had for 9 or 10 drafts in maximum to deal with their supervisor.. surprising?? huhhu well that wasnt incuding the dean's.. so thats what i'm worried so far during my tense doing such writing im on.. hehhe but its a lucky i guess when i can get the dean's approval on my first draft~~ also before that Dr. Azani as my supervisor corrected my writing for 3 times before i submitted to the dean. hihhi so grateful.. want to know why? hihhi any errors i actually refer my collegues'.. and then i dont need to go the dean's office to correct the same mistakes and errors in my writing.. hahha sounds like a bad thing i did that way but hey, i just try to reduce the dean's tense to correct the same mistakes in our writing right.. hahha.. at the same time, i'm on the rush because i need to be in TFR (Tenggaroh Forest Reserve) to help Khairol to collect his vegetation plot data at that time.. hehhe in his case its a pity when on that time he has limited 'botany' peoples to help him carry on his uncompleted data plot. duh~ his plots really a damn. just imagine a subplot covered with 80 different species (10m x 10m).. so he really needs more people, people and people. why me? ouh. we shared the plot in my FYP.. by the way i wasnt involved in vegetation plot in my FYP, i just take soil respiration data for 20 plots. still, at that time i share the data with Mussalam; a foreigner student under Dr. Azani also. so, i have a plenty experienced with the plots.. and directly involved in the whole team. hohho.. yeah, at first place we kinda in a big team, but some of us has other commitment involved so it became limited. well, i tried my best to completed my thesis and bring myself to Kota Tinggi on my own by bus on 16th may 2009.. hehhe thanks to Maisura for the thesis submisson to the vice dean on the 18th.. oh yeah.. it's planned that we supposed to be there in Tenggaroh untill 30th but we made it earlier to 19th.. hohho sounds complicated right. what to do.. our head botany sifu has other project to cover in Kota Marudu Sabah at that time.. hehhe Kak Pah gorgeous~ so i got nothing to do during that time..



i thought i can managed my driving licence for that timebeing.. BUT surprisingly Khairol has grabbed me to Pangkor to help kak Ani's project.. its not a field work anyway, just a friendly questionnaire to be filled by the Pangkor neighbourhood.. hehhe so we've been there for three days (21-23 May 2009).. as that was my 2nd time went there for research purposes.. its kinda tiring but enjoyable.. hehhe why? the different is on my first trip we did a field work on Shorea lumutensis on last December 2008.. so we deal with bunch of peoples as its a school holiday with year end holidays. huhhu but on 2nd trip its a relax when its like no one at the beach to crowded on, so we conquer the beach! hehhe *means after our questionnaire work lorr.. speaking of which, the Pangkor neighbourhood was very friendly.. i like~~ hehhe its easy for us and easy for them too. hmm.. forgot to mentioned; Kak Ani did an etnobotany research, to find out how they interract with the plant sources in Pangkor.. the grandmothers and the makciks really great. hahha i could still remember Mak Teh. she's VERY friendly, nice and warmth with us. really cute though^^ as i went there for few times already, i really always enjoy in Pangkor, and i wish to be there again for relaxing or whatever =P~



and then, i've been told that i'll involve in KEMPAS on 1-6th June 2009 as a facilitator.. plus will continued with khairol's research project on the 9th till 22nd June.. hohho so on the gap i managed my own bussiness.. like paying the library debts.. =P~ meet Kak Sue; IMKEDA Serdang co-ordinator to manage my driving licence.. hehhe paying the K6's accomodation during my thesis writing (yeah right) and etc while i've been here in UPM after leaving K13 early May 2009.. hehhe whats great is i'd bought my flight ticket to KCH^^

... to be continued

mother.

assalamualaikum wbt.

erm. mother. syukur i had one. all these 22 years i lived on earth, i had her aside, gimme love, motivation, strength to face fails, she's a wonder woman.

i love you mom. i love you.. thanks for being so YOU.
may Allah blessed you and our family..
InsyaAllah

me, family & dot dot dot

assalamualaikum wbt.

fuh.. what a day.. i'm missing my family.. hmm.. now i'm busy repairing, repairing and repairing up my thesis before it will be approved by dean! huhhu it feels like a weak of just THESIS, thesis, and probably thesis right along, and duh~ i just cant get out and rid of it anyway, anyhow though.. hahha hopefully its going to be just fine. by next week it should be settled as it planned.. InsyaAllah.. talking of which, by next week, i also need to settle up my library debts, master application.. hohho yep, there's a lot of things actually.. debts? hahha nehh.. i really dont get when did it starts. i just cross the limit due time of the book to be returned.. guest what? since october last year~ hahha what a bad customer am i? =P~ plus, my application; it starts when it requires a proposal and some bucks to be paid for approval process. damn, i'm broke man! huhhu... now thats why even i got no chance to have my driving lesson since last july!! ouh by the way, at that time i was a YES man to e society. hmmph!

...

wondering those really owe me my time with my family.. i'm seriously want to be home right now.. meeting my besties.. my siblings, my roots! huhhu now i admit its time to feel the heat of entering next stage of life. hehhe what an impact. i always think about this before, but when i'm experienced it somehow, its for sure drive me into a new guy day by day.. and it would changed without my awareness.. it's also kinda funny when i can do things in which i never thought of it before.. what that is i keep that by my own.. hehhe i just cant leave my yesterdays. memories really haunted me. huhhu no matter how it was, sometimes my past times will always be something remarkable and its insatiable to forget.

...

tralallaaa.. by next week also i'll be in Tenggaroh for about 2 weeks (right after my thesis publication settlement), to collect faculty consultants' projects data. yep. reasons? to gain knowledge and experiences of course, side income totally, and just for a relief of 3 years of studied in UPM. hehhe i want to breaking free~ hehhe nehh.. not for now because i havent fully done what should has been done! worww. hehhe wish me luck and blessed! erm... after that? then i want to grab my driving license lorr.. huhhu yeah right~ hahha be positive la.. lets rocks, baby!

...

everyday passed and passed to continue my life.. and never know what will happens tomorrow and tomorrow.. speaking of life, i heard do much of died and died each day.. thats why i always want to be close with my family, my roots! as by now i through my each day here alone.. i should be with them by now.. huhhu as they still there missing me, like i'm missing them everytime i wake up in the morning and before i sleep at night (ouh, am i'm sleeping at night???), my prayers would always with them.. i always keep myself that they'd always pray for whats good for me, and for what had happened there should be a reason.. as hard as i get, i know He's preparing whats best for us, instead of good things that coincidently happens. with all these patience and courages, i hope it worth it. i believed. i believed... may He blessed us right along untill the time i'd be there with them. InsyaAllah~

...

i think thats all for now.. i'm in love and thanks for that one! Happy! happy! happy!

thanks for being there, dinda.. love you so much!

dinda's 20th

assalamualaikum wbt... =)

dear dinda..

happy birthday sygs.. hope u have a great day today and happy all time! i love you so much like how sweet you can be and how i felt for you now really true dear. it's not a confession anymore dind.. it's a feeling. feeling! hahha jeng jeng jeng!!! all the best for everything, be strong.. i mean stronger as u can be.. be yourself, grab chances around you.. and of course, dont forget your roots, know what and where u stands for, be wise, take a good care of yourself.. cuz i'm proud having you as my lover.. you never let me down, happy all way long, shared everything.. all i want to do is to spend my time with you.. i know our condition dont let us together as coupled for now, but deep in my heart, i always can count on you.. our love is strong! hmm =) i'm lucky to have you at the first place. thank you for loving me (confidently~) hahha.. i lebiu u lebB me.. *hugs

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you always said how hard it can be to say such words to express whats inside like it just cant come out from your heart.. like u believed in me, i'm having my difficulties actually to say it all, but as long as it comes from your heart for someone you love, trust and crazy for; it should be okay.. plus, of course you wouldnt regret anything, cuz u feel it, He know whats best.. even He shows upon you everything the goodness of life.. yeah, ups and downs everyone would face it somehow, right?? hmm thanks Him for everything! syukuR!

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may your birthday blessed and may u'll have better life to explore as time goes by..

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smile. lots of love..

kanda in love since 10.10.08